As I am waiting for socks to dry (they take too long..)
I thought I would do what I promised my mum yesterday I would do, but never got round to doing it; because alcohol tastes too good!
Here is a thank you to her, and recognition for how much of an amazing mother, role model, friend and father she has been for me. Yes I said father because before she met my dad, she was like a father figure to me as well. She is just a sweet transvestite =P
My mum has been through so much recently. Too much for me to fully understand. But yet she has remained strong and always put on a brave face for everyone. Even after her mother died she went straight back into work, and remained positive in front of others. She isn't one of these people you see on the Jeremy Kyle show who resort to drink and drugs after a loss of a loved one, she isn't stupid that way.
Without her I don't know what I would be doing today. Two days without a call from her drives me crazy because I love talking with her, and hearing her disgusting ways, "I think I'll go for a poo, talk to you later" .. yeah she is going to kill me for that! hahahaha!
But anyway, even with failed marriages and relationships; she never let any new man get in the way of her love for her children. She begged and paid my biological sperm donor to take me out swimming, or to the movies; anything that wasn't at his recent girlfriends house. She was the one that begged me to call him and see him, even though I didn't want to.
As well as being an amazing mother, she is a great grandmother. That is all I am going to say on that matter. Katie is lucky to have you.
She may drive me up the wall half the time, but that is only because we are so much a like. If I was to be like anyone, I am glad it is my mum. I would love to be as beautiful, intelligent, funny, and as strong as she is.
With her past experiences she gives me support and guidance on the things I should do in life. She has supported me through out everything, even if I am still trying to find my way. She doesn't judge me on the choices I make, she just lets me learn from my mistakes. She was the one that picked me up when I fell hard, she was the one that kissed my tears away.
I would die for you and I would die without you. I can not understand how you have managed without granny, because I wouldn't be able to cope without you. I need your rational mind to calm my irrational thinking. You keep me happy, and for that I thank you.
I love you mum! =D
x
Friday 16 December 2011
Wednesday 14 December 2011
Every Little Ramble Helps: It's Almost Christmas!
Every Little Ramble Helps: It's Almost Christmas!: WHERE IS MY SNOW!?! With Christmas you usually get snow, right? Well this year, apparently, we aren't actually getting any. If you're a d...
It's Almost Christmas!
WHERE IS MY SNOW!?!
With Christmas you usually get snow, right? Well this year, apparently, we aren't actually getting any. If you're a driver, you are probably over joyed after the horrors of last year. But for the children like me, I am extremely saddened because.. I like snow and I like wearing my wellies and red jeans!
My mum asked me what I wanted for Christmas..
For the first time ever I actually don't want anything. Heck there are things I need like, maybe an iPod? But.. I actually don't want anything. I do not feel the need for materialistic things, for a change. I don't know why, but ever since I have moved to Aberdeen I do not see the need in shopping continuously like I used to when I lived with my folks. I have only, ever, bought myself one thing whilst living in Aberdeen and that was a pretty red dress <3
Am I a changed individual? Highly doubt it. The problem is I have so many things on my mind that I can not contemplate buying things I do not need.
You really want to know what I want for Christmas? A time machine. I want to go back to 2010, spend all the time in the world with my gran, change a few things over and then be happy...
I am usually 90% of the time cheerful, but I'm not actually happy. Everyday I get a stabbing feeling in my chest. Once it got so bad I was bent over in agony at work. Why? I don't know but my mum is begging me to go to the doctors.
I have a feeling something is missing in my life right now. I know what it is, so no need to try and guess. What is sad, is that I tried to fill this void with a 17 year old boy and lots of alcohol, which in turn made me realise how stupid I was being and made me make a tough choice to move back home.
NO, I am not moving home because of him.. I am moving home because, sorry to say this (no I am not an attention seeking whore), I am depressed. I know I have no excuse to be since she was only my grandmother, but I do miss her, and I regret many of the choices I made. That isn't the only thing which is getting me down.
The past seems to come back at the most inappropriate times. So then, you guys know the man who has been raising me for 8 years, isn't actually my biological dad? Well he is my dad! So if some asshole decides he wants contact with me after 8 years of neglect, can go and jog on! How dare he try and mentally torture me? I was doing fine until he tried to get in contact with me. He only wanted me as a child to try and pull women. He even made me ask my primary school secretary out on a date for him. Humiliating? Yes...
He mentally abused my mum and physically abused my brother. He disowned me when I was only 15 when I was crying out for a relationship. Well guess what? His fault! I have the most amazing father in the world, who supports me through-out everything. I worship the ground that man walks on. When I choose to get married, it will be him that walks me down the isle, it will be him that holds my first born, it will be him that I die for. Guess what (if my future husband agrees to this), I will have my first born son named after him, because Colin Shipton is the greatest man alive, and he is the greatest thing that has happened to my mother and I. I do not know how to thank him enough, nor do I know what I would do without him. He has saved me so many times. To him I am his daughter, and he shows me what love truly is. I never knew a father's love until I met him.
Anyway enough of this tear fest ... on my part.
Season of good will! Remember that family time isn't only of Christmas day but it should be everyday!
Also.. there is no such thing as Jesus, or a God.. so I celebrate Christmas as a season of goodwill, and a day of thanks. A day of remembrance. A day of forgiveness, to those who deserve it.
Wish you guys a happy new year! Hopefully 2012 is good to you.
Hopefully it doesn't actually bring the end of the world.
Wednesday 16 November 2011
The Aftermath, and the Return of Satan
It has been a shit couple of weeks for me..
Should I list them? Meh, may as well..:
1 ) Gran dies, and I had to watch her die.. Would never wish that upon my enemy. It is truly horrific.
2 ) Satan / Sumo, has wormed her way into my mother's life again by playing games. These games are called Katie.
3 ) I love Aberdeen, but I feel bitterly lonely.
4 ) I think I am losing my mum to Sumo's games ='(
Gran's Death:
Basically this tore me up inside. I actually wanted to cry at the funeral but I thought since I am only the grand-daughter, people would be angry that I cried; or thought I was an attention seeker. But I'm not, I just love her. I actually haven't cried since she died, and I feel as though there is a little part of me missing.
I miss her smell. I miss her random texts and letters telling me she missed me and that she was thinking of me. I also miss her laugh... her sweet, funny, little laugh. All I have left now are pictures around my room, pictures of when I was a baby and she was holding me ^_^
I found out recently that she was extremely proud of me. She thought I was in University, but sorry to disappoint I'm not, nor do I intend to. But she was proud. My grand-dad now talks about me a lot which is because apparently she must have talked about me a lot to grand-dad =3
Now due to her passing, I am the "gate keeper" and "the chosen one". Don't ask me, my mum gave me these nicknames because I have a soul, and refused to hurt my gran when she was alive! Because I have empathy..now onto the next topic;
SATAN HAS RETURNED!!!
In case you may not have known this, I have a half sister, who has a daughter; which makes her my niece. I knew her growing up because my niece was my best friend. She used to stand at the bottom of the stairs every Saturday morning shouting my name to wake me up. She was almost 2 at the time, so she could say "Ally" =3 Then came the day "sumo" stole £4,000 from my mum and my dad, and did a lot more shady shit; that I would rather not divulge into right now.
Now, my gran requested to see "sumo" and Katie before she passed; so we got in contact and wah-lah, she arrived with a thunderous crash! I had to sit in the same room as her as my gran died, and sit next to her in the funeral. You have no idea how much I wanted to beat the crap out of her! I hate that worthless piece of shit! I wouldn't spit of her if she was bouncing around in flames; because she can't run, she's FAT!
Anyway yeah, she asked my mum if she wanted to see Katie on Christmas night; knowing full well I would be there! But thankfully my mother said no. Good. But sadly I know she is using Katie to get to my mum, which is killing me inside because my mum is falling for it. But meh.. she is an adult.
Quite Lonely:
My brother is lucky, he has Mairi (his fiance) to go back to in Finland, after this whole mess. But when I came back to Aberdeen I had no one. I couldn't talk to my mum because she was busy, couldn't talk to my dad because he was busy and, it isn't something I want to talk to him about. So I have no one. I am actually the loneliest I have been in my whole life. I just want someone to talk to, and cry to. I think the constant pain that I have in my chest is my built up emotions. It is getting pretty dam painful now =S
Losing My Mum:
Probably if you are reading this you are thinking I am stupid and paranoid. But I am not! I am always the one having to call my mum now. My mum doesn't come up to visit me anymore during the weekends because she has "satan's child". So what else am I to think.
Right, I did something mean, I made my mum chose between me (a loyal, respectful daughter she has raised for 20 years), or a grand-child (who she has only fully known for less than a month). What pained me and almost made me lose my temper was the fact she couldn't chose. Now tell me I am stupid, still?
If I wasn't losing her to some other child, she would have chosen me, but she couldn't. So what I am learning to do, is not contact her. If she wants to talk to me, she can call me. But I'd rather not lose a mum because if she died I would probably die as well because I love her that much. But life is a bitch right?
I might not come home over Christmas anymore. Might decide to stay in Aberdeen because I'd rather my mum saw Katie than me. That is how I truly feel.. Who needs Family? Because right now, I do, but I can't seem to get through to them. But if my family want me back, they know what to do. Make that choice!
Well, please say the New Year brings me happiness because I really do not understand what I have done wrong to deserve this shit? If you know them email me the answer ^_^ That would be lovely!
Time to go and revise now...
Byeeee!!!* <3
Should I list them? Meh, may as well..:
1 ) Gran dies, and I had to watch her die.. Would never wish that upon my enemy. It is truly horrific.
2 ) Satan / Sumo, has wormed her way into my mother's life again by playing games. These games are called Katie.
3 ) I love Aberdeen, but I feel bitterly lonely.
4 ) I think I am losing my mum to Sumo's games ='(
Gran's Death:
Basically this tore me up inside. I actually wanted to cry at the funeral but I thought since I am only the grand-daughter, people would be angry that I cried; or thought I was an attention seeker. But I'm not, I just love her. I actually haven't cried since she died, and I feel as though there is a little part of me missing.
I miss her smell. I miss her random texts and letters telling me she missed me and that she was thinking of me. I also miss her laugh... her sweet, funny, little laugh. All I have left now are pictures around my room, pictures of when I was a baby and she was holding me ^_^
I found out recently that she was extremely proud of me. She thought I was in University, but sorry to disappoint I'm not, nor do I intend to. But she was proud. My grand-dad now talks about me a lot which is because apparently she must have talked about me a lot to grand-dad =3
Now due to her passing, I am the "gate keeper" and "the chosen one". Don't ask me, my mum gave me these nicknames because I have a soul, and refused to hurt my gran when she was alive! Because I have empathy..now onto the next topic;
SATAN HAS RETURNED!!!
In case you may not have known this, I have a half sister, who has a daughter; which makes her my niece. I knew her growing up because my niece was my best friend. She used to stand at the bottom of the stairs every Saturday morning shouting my name to wake me up. She was almost 2 at the time, so she could say "Ally" =3 Then came the day "sumo" stole £4,000 from my mum and my dad, and did a lot more shady shit; that I would rather not divulge into right now.
Now, my gran requested to see "sumo" and Katie before she passed; so we got in contact and wah-lah, she arrived with a thunderous crash! I had to sit in the same room as her as my gran died, and sit next to her in the funeral. You have no idea how much I wanted to beat the crap out of her! I hate that worthless piece of shit! I wouldn't spit of her if she was bouncing around in flames; because she can't run, she's FAT!
Anyway yeah, she asked my mum if she wanted to see Katie on Christmas night; knowing full well I would be there! But thankfully my mother said no. Good. But sadly I know she is using Katie to get to my mum, which is killing me inside because my mum is falling for it. But meh.. she is an adult.
Quite Lonely:
My brother is lucky, he has Mairi (his fiance) to go back to in Finland, after this whole mess. But when I came back to Aberdeen I had no one. I couldn't talk to my mum because she was busy, couldn't talk to my dad because he was busy and, it isn't something I want to talk to him about. So I have no one. I am actually the loneliest I have been in my whole life. I just want someone to talk to, and cry to. I think the constant pain that I have in my chest is my built up emotions. It is getting pretty dam painful now =S
Losing My Mum:
Probably if you are reading this you are thinking I am stupid and paranoid. But I am not! I am always the one having to call my mum now. My mum doesn't come up to visit me anymore during the weekends because she has "satan's child". So what else am I to think.
Right, I did something mean, I made my mum chose between me (a loyal, respectful daughter she has raised for 20 years), or a grand-child (who she has only fully known for less than a month). What pained me and almost made me lose my temper was the fact she couldn't chose. Now tell me I am stupid, still?
If I wasn't losing her to some other child, she would have chosen me, but she couldn't. So what I am learning to do, is not contact her. If she wants to talk to me, she can call me. But I'd rather not lose a mum because if she died I would probably die as well because I love her that much. But life is a bitch right?
I might not come home over Christmas anymore. Might decide to stay in Aberdeen because I'd rather my mum saw Katie than me. That is how I truly feel.. Who needs Family? Because right now, I do, but I can't seem to get through to them. But if my family want me back, they know what to do. Make that choice!
Well, please say the New Year brings me happiness because I really do not understand what I have done wrong to deserve this shit? If you know them email me the answer ^_^ That would be lovely!
Time to go and revise now...
Byeeee!!!* <3
Saturday 1 October 2011
Aberdeen..
Right.. so I haven't wrote one of these in a month (I think), so here is an update on things you probably don't give a crap about.
Moved to ABERDEEN!
Finally found my own flat. Really cute flat, which is good =) It is strange having your own place because you realise how frustrating it is to have to do everything for yourself, such as, cook, clean, and more cleaning.. oh and also my personal favourite - Pay bills.. =P
Finally found my own flat. Really cute flat, which is good =) It is strange having your own place because you realise how frustrating it is to have to do everything for yourself, such as, cook, clean, and more cleaning.. oh and also my personal favourite - Pay bills.. =P
As my friends know I am terrible at saving, so every night for the past month (I have been in Aberdeen for a month now, scary...) my mum has been giving me the same old talk about saving and what not. I know! It gets a little bit annoying after a while to be hearing the same old talk over and over again. She knows when I begin to get annoyed because I call her "mother". Her reply.. "Don't you mother me!" ;-)
Is it sad that I am getting withdrawal symptoms over Body Combat?
I have took it upon myself to download some of the old release tracks to listen to as I walk to work. What I found the other day there, I begin to cry.
This is not pathetic in any way what-so-ever! It just shows.. that I am pathetic.. yes =P
What I am finding really difficult and off putting right now is that, I am obviously going to fail this course. I am working hard on my revision, but for the practical parts, I am not as good as I thought I would be. I must have gotten used to the same old Les Mills releases, so technically I am not as fit as I thought I was. Which makes it hard because it feels like P.E all over again in high school. I could have done the full time for one of the workout activities but because a guy came up behind me I stopped..
My insecurities will either destroy me or make me a better person. Well.. doubt it could make me a better person, but I am a determined weirdo, so maybe my determination will help me battle my insecurities. It doesn't help that there are 22 guys on my course and only three girls (including me). Girls... DO EXERCISE COURSES IN COLLEGE! It won't kill you =) I could use this gender difference in my research sports class.. Yes a research sports class. How crappy is that?
Why can't life be easier?
But I am happy.
Extremely happy =)
My mum gets worried that I am lonely or hiding things from her. But I'm not. Aberdeen is a great place with amazing people! Also, the night life isn't too bad either ;-) Loving.The.Parties!
Sunday 4 September 2011
London Bridge Is Falling Down...
So London.. blood anyone?
Poor show.. fake as fake gets!
The excitement to go to England and visit my friends was unbearable.. You know that excitement? Getting ready to open your Christmas presents, thinking it's the gift you wanted; but in the end your let down?
Not all of England was like this. I loved being in Tunbridge Wells, mostly because it was familiar to me. London was different. London was drama.
What I have noticed is that drama follows me around like a bad smell. Furthermore, I HAVE THE SMALLEST BLADDER ON THE PLANET! Argh.. just going to wear a giant nappy =3 Think in total I peed about 7 times in the space of 12 hours :P .. that is worrying.
Chinatown was cool.. Chinese people are the cutest <3
Soho.. was different. I am not homophobic, but being in a pub full of lesbians leaves me uneasy. I am fine in a pub full of gay guys. I think this is where it all went wrong... Now comes the drama.
Soho.. was different. I am not homophobic, but being in a pub full of lesbians leaves me uneasy. I am fine in a pub full of gay guys. I think this is where it all went wrong... Now comes the drama.
I do not know what I did wrong, I honestly don't. I just kept asking her to hurry up so I could pee (I wasn't the only one asking her to hurry up). However, I was the one that got pushed against the lift walls with a finger in my face and getting shouted at. I have never been pushed by anyone. No matter how drunk I am, I wouldn't be violent towards one of my old friends.
Feck it, it's amazing what happens and who changes when you move 500 miles away. Or actually who doesn't change and needs to learn to grow up a little bit.
Anyway, to all my friends that came out to play in Tunbridge Wells, thank you. I do truly miss you guys! Don't think I will ever meet such amazing people as I have done in my life so far.
The people I have in my life are the people I want to take to my grave :) They are the most nicest, sweetest and down to Earth people ever. That goes for my amazing friends in Scotland too.
Clarks crew know how to party ;-) xxxxxx
Friday 19 August 2011
Update
It Has Been Too Long Ms Blogger!
Not blogged in ages! So, I think I should do one, just to pass the time =D
What has happened to me recently? I know no one has asked me that, and I'm glad... would be worried if they did =P I tell everybody EVERYTHING! Well not quite everything, but with Twitter and Facebook, people tend to find out about my daily going on's.
First things first.. I didn't get into University. So paid UCAS money for no reason. If I knew in advance this was going to happen I would have applied to colleges earlier. I have good highers.. so why don't Universities want me? Because we live in a Capitalist society. Universities have had major cuts, so the only way to make up for this is by getting students from over sea.
Argh - brainwave from Sociology! Society is supposed to be meritocratic, sadly this is false. If our society was meritocratic, we would be rewarded by our merits, not by how much money we have. I understand English students have to pay for their Education, I really do. But (listen), what I am thinking is that Scottish people get it for free, but are continuously being denied places, no matter how good their grades are. Scottish Universities are looking into getting more foreigners into their establishments which is a joke! I would pay if they wanted me to, I actually would. I wonder if that would have gave me a better chance? Sadly, I don't have a time machine to take me back to see whether this would have worked.
Secondly... I am getting my braces off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ohhhh the exclamation marks xD If anyone knows me properly, they will know how insecure my braces made me feel. At work kids ask me why I have them, the parents reply, "She didn't look after her teeth when she was younger." ¬_¬ Parents... I know you want to scare your kids but don't make me sound like a tramp thanks!
Mark the date in your calendar, on the 25th of August at 11:30am, these bad boys should be out of my mouth faster than you can say Shazzam. I don't know what my reaction will be, but I will be smiling, LOTS.
Ohhhh the exclamation marks xD If anyone knows me properly, they will know how insecure my braces made me feel. At work kids ask me why I have them, the parents reply, "She didn't look after her teeth when she was younger." ¬_¬ Parents... I know you want to scare your kids but don't make me sound like a tramp thanks!
Mark the date in your calendar, on the 25th of August at 11:30am, these bad boys should be out of my mouth faster than you can say Shazzam. I don't know what my reaction will be, but I will be smiling, LOTS.
Last but not least... I am going to England to visit my friends. Many people may be curious why I am excited about going to England, especially with the Rioting... But I guess they will never really understand. I'll explain it though.
When I was 12 I moved to England with my mum. Moving there was extremely hard at first, but it was the best decision my mum has ever made for me. I loved it there. People may have been racist about the fact I am Scottish ("Alannah is a Scottish Bitch" written on a lamp-post helped with this conclusion). But I was strangely happy. Mainly because I was different. Here, I am different.. but for the wrong reasons I think. Everyone wanted to talk to me in England because of my Scottish accent - but here.. meh? I blend in? Whatever. My friend Laura always made me laugh. She truly understood me. Our friendship blossomed when I was following her around school saying she looked like someone xD Oh fate! So, that's it really.
End of Story.
Goodnight! x
End of Story.
Goodnight! x
Tuesday 26 July 2011
Amy Winehouse Death Vs. Norwegian Deaths.
This is possibly the worst heading I could have came up with!
No doubt in my mind, or anyone else's that the Norwegian deaths are more important than Amy Winehouse's death. Wait.. hold on a second I may have just sounded cruel there. But sadly enough I mean it! Want to know why ?
This...thing, shouldn't be mourned for! I bet she died from a bloomin' drug and alcohol overdose, since she is that self absorbed she couldn't see the effect this was having on the people around her.
I honestly despise people that take drugs and abuse alcohol! Yes I drink, but socially - I am not one to drink every night and everyday of my life just because I have become dependant. It isn't an illness, it is just retarded bullshit! Sorry.. but.. argh!!!!
Anyway, getting away from a rant which may take over this thing, back to the point. She killed herself! She choose to die because she is weak and didn't see the brighter side of life. She is a celebrity, so this could actually impact on the youths. Wooo! more underage drinking, that is what we really need.
Instead of being unsatisfied with his life and killing himself, this disgusting excuse for a human being decided to kill 76 innocent human beings, being children, teenagers or adults - he killed them all without a moment of remorse.
Instead of these 76 innocent people being so bored of their lives they decide to kill themselves, their life was taken from them. They could have gone onto greater things. Some could have been doctors, some could have been amazing mothers and fathers. But instead they got their future snatched from them.
Why should people have their future's snatched from them like that? This maggot decided to set of a bomb and continue his terror by just shooting at everyone and everything that moved.
Outcome? Not fully complete yet. However on the 25th of July a closed to the public court case commenced. This is to make sure that Ander's opinion are not publiced because the Norwegian's do not need anyone to jump on his band wagon.
Anders has a far right militant ideology is which he believes that we should all be racist (dumbing it down because I had to look up a few words...). He was anti Islamic and did not enjoy the idea of people converting to their religion within Europe. He was in favour of the Jews however.. but sadly he was still a racist pig. This is sad, but how can he dislike Marxism?! He wanted a Europe with no Islam, Marxism or a multicultural society. Dude... or whack!!* Now that is me being biased because I am a Marxist.
Basically what I am trying to get at here is that, all I hear about on the news is this stupid Amy Winehouse chick. When really we should be learning more about this Norway terror.
Sorry if I don't sound sympathetic towards Winehouse's family, but, her choice and all... She had the chance to change herself but she didn't. My condolences goes to her family at this time. However my thoughts are more aimed towards the Norwegians who have lost their loved ones. Their time was cut short.
May we all take this as an example to live life like it is our last, and never take anyone for granted because we never know when we might come across a Anders Behring Breivik. Life is too precious to ignore, too short to take for granted.
R.I.P all those who died on Friday 22nd of July. x
No doubt in my mind, or anyone else's that the Norwegian deaths are more important than Amy Winehouse's death. Wait.. hold on a second I may have just sounded cruel there. But sadly enough I mean it! Want to know why ?
I honestly despise people that take drugs and abuse alcohol! Yes I drink, but socially - I am not one to drink every night and everyday of my life just because I have become dependant. It isn't an illness, it is just retarded bullshit! Sorry.. but.. argh!!!!
Anyway, getting away from a rant which may take over this thing, back to the point. She killed herself! She choose to die because she is weak and didn't see the brighter side of life. She is a celebrity, so this could actually impact on the youths. Wooo! more underage drinking, that is what we really need.
Instead of these 76 innocent people being so bored of their lives they decide to kill themselves, their life was taken from them. They could have gone onto greater things. Some could have been doctors, some could have been amazing mothers and fathers. But instead they got their future snatched from them.
Why should people have their future's snatched from them like that? This maggot decided to set of a bomb and continue his terror by just shooting at everyone and everything that moved.
Outcome? Not fully complete yet. However on the 25th of July a closed to the public court case commenced. This is to make sure that Ander's opinion are not publiced because the Norwegian's do not need anyone to jump on his band wagon.
Anders has a far right militant ideology is which he believes that we should all be racist (dumbing it down because I had to look up a few words...). He was anti Islamic and did not enjoy the idea of people converting to their religion within Europe. He was in favour of the Jews however.. but sadly he was still a racist pig. This is sad, but how can he dislike Marxism?! He wanted a Europe with no Islam, Marxism or a multicultural society. Dude... or whack!!* Now that is me being biased because I am a Marxist.
Basically what I am trying to get at here is that, all I hear about on the news is this stupid Amy Winehouse chick. When really we should be learning more about this Norway terror.
Sorry if I don't sound sympathetic towards Winehouse's family, but, her choice and all... She had the chance to change herself but she didn't. My condolences goes to her family at this time. However my thoughts are more aimed towards the Norwegians who have lost their loved ones. Their time was cut short.
May we all take this as an example to live life like it is our last, and never take anyone for granted because we never know when we might come across a Anders Behring Breivik. Life is too precious to ignore, too short to take for granted.
R.I.P all those who died on Friday 22nd of July. x
Sunday 17 July 2011
Hellish Week...
Every Cloud Has a Silver Lining... No Wonder There Has Been So Many Clouds In The Sky This Week, I Needed That Silver Lining =/
Point One,
I really don't know. I was in a bad mood at work - which apparently isn't allowed to happen because Alannah always has to be in a good flipping mood. I get falsely accused of saying something, and made to feel like a shaken up tiny dog (they always shake...) Well yeah anyway. Forgive me if I am wrong, but I am hard working, and I would never, EVER say, "I am not fucking doing that." even to a colleague. So how dare this twat face scream at me and say I said it? Then apparently I said in a horrid tone, "how long is this going to take?" I remember this part because I actually said to her, "How many boxes are left". I said this because I needed to know how much space is needed to be made! I go in Saturday morning, happy, and then get dragged into the back shop and accused of all this in front of my manager and assistant manager. I used the analogy of a shaken small dog because I was shaking.. and almost wanting to cry. But I don't cry. She even said she felt like going into my mum's work and starting up a big fuss. SORRY BUT THAT IS MY MUM'S WORK.. NOT MINE! GOT A PROBLEM SAY IT TO ME, I AM THE ADULT!
Isn't this so cute?
What happens next? I have to put on a fake smile everytime I enter my work. I always put on a fake smile to the customers, but I would have actually liked to be able to be truthful to my work friends. Also, my mum has suggested putting a counter alligation form into my manager because I was so upset by what she said. She said there were witnesses. I have asked these said witnesses and they do not recall me saying anything like that. I was joined to Amy's hip all day, pretty sure she would have heard something... So, yeah.. not a great start =P
Point Two,
Even though me and my mum have our up's and down's I still love her unconditionally! So I say this once and once only, if anyone disrespects her I will most likely be pissed. Want to know who disrespected her? My ex. RIGHT! I spoke to his flipping mum, when she came into my work. I spoke to her in a nice manner - like nothing had happened. Yes I felt awkward, but the first thing you realise when being an adult is that you have to ignore awkward situations and make the most out of it! You cannot act immature and make every awkward moment even more awkward for the rest of your life - it just is not healthy. So... long story short, I wanted my stuff back that I had left with this ex. I emailed him a few weeks ago telling him to drop them off at Clarks because that is where I work. What does this shitface do? Drop them off at my mum's work. Come on !!!! Why does everyone have to involve my mum in everything. Since some people who read this do not have jobs, and do not understand how much shit she could have been in if her mananger was in, I will explain. If there was a large queue inside Costa, her manager was in, and this ex just walks up to the counter - ignoring everyone else, and dumps my shit on the counter, this can distrupt their work routine. It could also annoy a few customers! What if she was not in? What are her employees meant to do? What annoys me most is that he ignored her.. GROW UP!
Searched "hurt ex boyfriends" on google, this is what came up.. TRUTH!
What happens next? Well.. I am quite a spiteful bitch, so revenge could be on the cards. But I do not know yet. One thing is for sure, I have lost a few friends over this. Apparently I cannot see anything other than my own self... Twats ¬_¬ Last time I checked, I allowed my house to get trashed to throw this ex friend a birthday party! So yeah.. what that a selfish act or what?
Which brings me to point three,
I have lost a friend. A few people have told me I am better off, but am I really? What they failed to realise is that I am a bitch, but not to hurt people - no. I do it to people I truly dislike who annoy me and deserve it. If I was a bitch to anyone else they would never have cared. However since it is someone they care about they decide to get involved in something that does not concern them. That is what I really hate - people getting involved when it is not needed. If he has a problem with the actions I might commit then he should tell me. I know he doesn't want to talk to me because he is licking his wounds, but life is about getting hurt and taking chances. He got hurt, yes, but what he fails to understand is that he could have been more hurt if I stayed with him. Moving on is a hard thing, but just swollow your immaturity and do it! Oh well... if she wants to fall out with me because of who I truly am, then that is fine. There are people out there who know the true me and still love me.
What is next? Ignore all the people that I thought where my friends. There are better people out there for me. I have met amazing people recently who I consider my friends because they care about me. They ask me how I am, how things have gone, and they act mature. I learn from them and I am learning to grow up thanks to them. That is what I need, more mature people around me. Not immature people who make a big deal out of every little thing. I need people who are hard working and can set an example for me. I need people who are able to give me great advice because they may have been through what I have. I need a true friend. Not a five minute fling.
My week hasn't been all bad. But as they say, "bad luck comes in three". Well that is my three, let the luck begin, please? Positive thinking.. positive!
Bye =) x
Point One,
I really don't know. I was in a bad mood at work - which apparently isn't allowed to happen because Alannah always has to be in a good flipping mood. I get falsely accused of saying something, and made to feel like a shaken up tiny dog (they always shake...) Well yeah anyway. Forgive me if I am wrong, but I am hard working, and I would never, EVER say, "I am not fucking doing that." even to a colleague. So how dare this twat face scream at me and say I said it? Then apparently I said in a horrid tone, "how long is this going to take?" I remember this part because I actually said to her, "How many boxes are left". I said this because I needed to know how much space is needed to be made! I go in Saturday morning, happy, and then get dragged into the back shop and accused of all this in front of my manager and assistant manager. I used the analogy of a shaken small dog because I was shaking.. and almost wanting to cry. But I don't cry. She even said she felt like going into my mum's work and starting up a big fuss. SORRY BUT THAT IS MY MUM'S WORK.. NOT MINE! GOT A PROBLEM SAY IT TO ME, I AM THE ADULT!
What happens next? I have to put on a fake smile everytime I enter my work. I always put on a fake smile to the customers, but I would have actually liked to be able to be truthful to my work friends. Also, my mum has suggested putting a counter alligation form into my manager because I was so upset by what she said. She said there were witnesses. I have asked these said witnesses and they do not recall me saying anything like that. I was joined to Amy's hip all day, pretty sure she would have heard something... So, yeah.. not a great start =P
Point Two,
Even though me and my mum have our up's and down's I still love her unconditionally! So I say this once and once only, if anyone disrespects her I will most likely be pissed. Want to know who disrespected her? My ex. RIGHT! I spoke to his flipping mum, when she came into my work. I spoke to her in a nice manner - like nothing had happened. Yes I felt awkward, but the first thing you realise when being an adult is that you have to ignore awkward situations and make the most out of it! You cannot act immature and make every awkward moment even more awkward for the rest of your life - it just is not healthy. So... long story short, I wanted my stuff back that I had left with this ex. I emailed him a few weeks ago telling him to drop them off at Clarks because that is where I work. What does this shitface do? Drop them off at my mum's work. Come on !!!! Why does everyone have to involve my mum in everything. Since some people who read this do not have jobs, and do not understand how much shit she could have been in if her mananger was in, I will explain. If there was a large queue inside Costa, her manager was in, and this ex just walks up to the counter - ignoring everyone else, and dumps my shit on the counter, this can distrupt their work routine. It could also annoy a few customers! What if she was not in? What are her employees meant to do? What annoys me most is that he ignored her.. GROW UP!
What happens next? Well.. I am quite a spiteful bitch, so revenge could be on the cards. But I do not know yet. One thing is for sure, I have lost a few friends over this. Apparently I cannot see anything other than my own self... Twats ¬_¬ Last time I checked, I allowed my house to get trashed to throw this ex friend a birthday party! So yeah.. what that a selfish act or what?
Which brings me to point three,
I have lost a friend. A few people have told me I am better off, but am I really? What they failed to realise is that I am a bitch, but not to hurt people - no. I do it to people I truly dislike who annoy me and deserve it. If I was a bitch to anyone else they would never have cared. However since it is someone they care about they decide to get involved in something that does not concern them. That is what I really hate - people getting involved when it is not needed. If he has a problem with the actions I might commit then he should tell me. I know he doesn't want to talk to me because he is licking his wounds, but life is about getting hurt and taking chances. He got hurt, yes, but what he fails to understand is that he could have been more hurt if I stayed with him. Moving on is a hard thing, but just swollow your immaturity and do it! Oh well... if she wants to fall out with me because of who I truly am, then that is fine. There are people out there who know the true me and still love me.
What is next? Ignore all the people that I thought where my friends. There are better people out there for me. I have met amazing people recently who I consider my friends because they care about me. They ask me how I am, how things have gone, and they act mature. I learn from them and I am learning to grow up thanks to them. That is what I need, more mature people around me. Not immature people who make a big deal out of every little thing. I need people who are hard working and can set an example for me. I need people who are able to give me great advice because they may have been through what I have. I need a true friend. Not a five minute fling.
My week hasn't been all bad. But as they say, "bad luck comes in three". Well that is my three, let the luck begin, please? Positive thinking.. positive!
Bye =) x
Saturday 2 July 2011
A Traditional "Relationship" Post :D
SOMEONE IS OUT OF MY LEAGUE!
He is handsome, smart, funny, dark, tall, hard working, older than me.
He likes to run, cook, watch movies, talk until the early hours of the morning, travel.
If there is a God out there, I thank you! That sounds desperate =/ - which I'm not...
Sooo.. from the "bottom feeder fish" to a normal fish I am :P Btw.. my friend described me as a bottom eater fish since I never went for anyone decent apparently haha! But I am happy :D
I always say I am happy whenever I begin dating someone, but I truly am this time. It is strange though, why would someone like him be interested in me? Still confuses me this, but hey maybe I'm not as bad as I make out to be :D
I think this is a record for even Alannah Shipton, could be three relationships this year I have had! Ace! Hopefully this one is a keeper. He hasn't seen my crazy bipolar side yet =/... Ex's will back me up here and say it is most scary. BUT! I feel different with him. I don't feel the need to totally spaz out in anger whenever I see him. Whenever I talk to him, I totally feel relaxed :D
I need happiness right now. I pretend to be happy still, but maybe sometimes you have to stop pretending for a little while because when everything builds up all hell breaks lose. Sadly my gran isn't getting any better, and anytime she wants to see me I am at work. HELLO CLARKS YOU ARE IMPORTANT TO ME BUT SADLY MY GRAN DOESN'T HAVE LONG LEFT! I really want to see her =(
I have no idea what my future holds because in all honesty I have fucked everything up royally. I am soo crap at prioritising things. I should have put college work before my workout classes. Instead my own self image came before everything else. Now I am dealing with the consequences.
But optimisim prevails! I will think happy thoughts, I will continue what life has set out for me to do. I will be happy and continue dating this mystery guy that no one will know the name off :P Unless I have already told you because of my over excitement on how cool he is? :P Probably. I am weird that way.
Anyway... Here goes for another blog post.
Wait until the next one, it'll be even more shit :P
BYE! <3 x
He is handsome, smart, funny, dark, tall, hard working, older than me.
He likes to run, cook, watch movies, talk until the early hours of the morning, travel.
If there is a God out there, I thank you! That sounds desperate =/ - which I'm not...
Sooo.. from the "bottom feeder fish" to a normal fish I am :P Btw.. my friend described me as a bottom eater fish since I never went for anyone decent apparently haha! But I am happy :D
I always say I am happy whenever I begin dating someone, but I truly am this time. It is strange though, why would someone like him be interested in me? Still confuses me this, but hey maybe I'm not as bad as I make out to be :D
I think this is a record for even Alannah Shipton, could be three relationships this year I have had! Ace! Hopefully this one is a keeper. He hasn't seen my crazy bipolar side yet =/... Ex's will back me up here and say it is most scary. BUT! I feel different with him. I don't feel the need to totally spaz out in anger whenever I see him. Whenever I talk to him, I totally feel relaxed :D
I need happiness right now. I pretend to be happy still, but maybe sometimes you have to stop pretending for a little while because when everything builds up all hell breaks lose. Sadly my gran isn't getting any better, and anytime she wants to see me I am at work. HELLO CLARKS YOU ARE IMPORTANT TO ME BUT SADLY MY GRAN DOESN'T HAVE LONG LEFT! I really want to see her =(
I have no idea what my future holds because in all honesty I have fucked everything up royally. I am soo crap at prioritising things. I should have put college work before my workout classes. Instead my own self image came before everything else. Now I am dealing with the consequences.
But optimisim prevails! I will think happy thoughts, I will continue what life has set out for me to do. I will be happy and continue dating this mystery guy that no one will know the name off :P Unless I have already told you because of my over excitement on how cool he is? :P Probably. I am weird that way.
Anyway... Here goes for another blog post.
Wait until the next one, it'll be even more shit :P
BYE! <3 x
Monday 20 June 2011
MY FIRST CLASS!!
I liveee and breath Body Combat. I memorise the moves quite easily because I am a weird person that way! So, since I am such a lovely person who does good deeds for others - the Mind and Body Studio owners bestowed upon me a wonderful gift. This was a gift of a studio for an hour.. Why you may ask, would I need a studio? To teach the friends what I am most passionate about - BODY COMBAT!!
The week leading up to this day was hell. Almost got no qualification for going to University, mind games, and of course my anxiety has been threw the roof! I swear to God I need pills or else I will die with this! Surprisingly I am surviving :)
Now.. would you like to see a horrid picture of me, sweaty and beastly but next to a very attractive instructor? Check it out... *searches intensely* omgoodness.. it is gone =( NUUU!!! THE PICTURE OF ME AND DAVID IS GONE?!? This has ruined my night =( WAIT! haven't searched there. BRB! FOUND IT! Here you go children.. amuse yourself
Righteo, now let me tell you how it went. I found out I do not know my left and rights - so I will work on that. I do not know the correct termonology for the moves (like upper cut and shiz..), and finally I cannot talk and move at the same time because I panic I get breathless! But other than all that it went ok.. just needed more bodies to shout ! But I had my wee troopers at the front, who I am in debt to for being such amazing people!
So basically, this is a thank you to all use that came. I am honestly soooo happy that I found the Mind and Body Studio a year ago. I do not know what I would be doing with my life if it wasn't for them. It is an amazing salon/fitness studio/beautifying place that has the most nicest people in the world working there. I have met the most amazing people, and some of the nicest people. They have taught me so much, and for that I am eternally grateful. I do not know how I can repay them when I leave in September. Alcohol? Chocolate? a massive bunch of flowers? I do not know! So suggestions needed please!
As for the friends I have discovered from attending the Mind and Body Studio, I hope to remain friends with you forever! =D I will probably get you guys a present too before I leave ^-^
I am the most happiest I have ever been! and it is all thanks to Charlann Battle, and Keith Battle (also all their workers)! Thank the Lord you guys decide to create your business just down from my house :3
Anyway - enough of my sappiness...
HAVE A GREAT DAY TOMORROW EVERYONE! Because I am under house arrest until I finish my college stuff.. thanks mum ¬.¬ Love how she is back. Missed you...
Bye everyone x
The week leading up to this day was hell. Almost got no qualification for going to University, mind games, and of course my anxiety has been threw the roof! I swear to God I need pills or else I will die with this! Surprisingly I am surviving :)
Now.. would you like to see a horrid picture of me, sweaty and beastly but next to a very attractive instructor? Check it out... *searches intensely* omgoodness.. it is gone =( NUUU!!! THE PICTURE OF ME AND DAVID IS GONE?!? This has ruined my night =( WAIT! haven't searched there. BRB! FOUND IT! Here you go children.. amuse yourself
I really wish I could make this smaller.. it is horrid - apart from David :3
Righteo, now let me tell you how it went. I found out I do not know my left and rights - so I will work on that. I do not know the correct termonology for the moves (like upper cut and shiz..), and finally I cannot talk and move at the same time because I panic I get breathless! But other than all that it went ok.. just needed more bodies to shout ! But I had my wee troopers at the front, who I am in debt to for being such amazing people!
So basically, this is a thank you to all use that came. I am honestly soooo happy that I found the Mind and Body Studio a year ago. I do not know what I would be doing with my life if it wasn't for them. It is an amazing salon/fitness studio/beautifying place that has the most nicest people in the world working there. I have met the most amazing people, and some of the nicest people. They have taught me so much, and for that I am eternally grateful. I do not know how I can repay them when I leave in September. Alcohol? Chocolate? a massive bunch of flowers? I do not know! So suggestions needed please!
As for the friends I have discovered from attending the Mind and Body Studio, I hope to remain friends with you forever! =D I will probably get you guys a present too before I leave ^-^
I am the most happiest I have ever been! and it is all thanks to Charlann Battle, and Keith Battle (also all their workers)! Thank the Lord you guys decide to create your business just down from my house :3
Anyway - enough of my sappiness...
HAVE A GREAT DAY TOMORROW EVERYONE! Because I am under house arrest until I finish my college stuff.. thanks mum ¬.¬ Love how she is back. Missed you...
Bye everyone x
Sunday 12 June 2011
Ending Of College...
How time flies when you are having 'fun'...
Finally started having fun at the end of it, because I learned how to talk and not be an utter bitch. Basically found out - they are nice people =O How am I going to get through life with such a shitty attitude towards new people ?
I should have handed in a Sociology essay in March, but I still haven't gotten round to doing it. You know why? No you don't, that is why I shall tell you :) It is because I am scared shitless to do it. If it was a classed based essay I would have no choice but to do it, but because it was a home based one; i kept postponing it.. now it is getting a bit late. I begin to do it and then get scared so easily get distracted by... erm.. combat? Right you knew combat would end up in here somewhere !!
So, just waiting on results from philosophy (the dreaded philosophy - how I am glad you are over with!), and psychology (please let me know my own thoughts before I start thinking of other peoples). Wait actually I got psychology back.. just need to fix one bit. He hates me =P Right... Got tons to do for my Personal Development Plan.. but in all honesty I have already done it =/ But don't know whether it is good enough. BUT I shall get to that...
RIGHT!!!
RESIT! Of my graded Unit. Do you know how scared I am? So scared I have been crying for a few days. Well there is more pressure than just that. But that is my biggest one. I am scared (again.. what a scaredy cat I am!) because I don't want to stay here any longer =( I want to go to Aberdeen. It will be amazing! =D
Ok.. want some good news? This isn't college related... college news usually isn't good news. So take a wild guess what this news may be about! No.. I am not pregnant.. no I have not found somebody I can connect with on a greater level than my last (well this is a lie... I have =L But just friends for the moment).. and no.. I am not erm =/ I have not won the lottery. Gosh I wish I did =(
You know I am obsessed with BodyCombat? Well I am teaching to a few friends on the 20th of June. How Epic is that? Keep changing a few tracks round on the playlist I have. A few remain mostly because I LOVE them so they will never leave. But I want more fun ones in half way through because near the end they will hate me because my favourite one is a horrible one =P Want a sneak peak ;)?
So yeah.. cool eh? Well here is what I thought I would do..
Track 1 - "Upper body warm up" Summer of 69/ "Lower body warm up" I Never Liked You.
Track 2 - Boys Like Girls - Love Drunk
Track 3 - Cascada - Because The Night
Track 4 - Johnny B.Goode
Track 5 - Ballroom Blitz
Track 6 - Scotty - The Black Pearl (basically Pirates of the Carribean song ^-^)
Track 7 - The videa above.
Track 8 - Cascada - What Hurts The Most
Track 9 (Abs) - Sean Kingston - 911
Track 10 (Cool Down) - Haven't decided yet... will see closer to the time :3
Righteo.. That is it.
Live for the moment! <3
x
Finally started having fun at the end of it, because I learned how to talk and not be an utter bitch. Basically found out - they are nice people =O How am I going to get through life with such a shitty attitude towards new people ?
I should have handed in a Sociology essay in March, but I still haven't gotten round to doing it. You know why? No you don't, that is why I shall tell you :) It is because I am scared shitless to do it. If it was a classed based essay I would have no choice but to do it, but because it was a home based one; i kept postponing it.. now it is getting a bit late. I begin to do it and then get scared so easily get distracted by... erm.. combat? Right you knew combat would end up in here somewhere !!
So, just waiting on results from philosophy (the dreaded philosophy - how I am glad you are over with!), and psychology (please let me know my own thoughts before I start thinking of other peoples). Wait actually I got psychology back.. just need to fix one bit. He hates me =P Right... Got tons to do for my Personal Development Plan.. but in all honesty I have already done it =/ But don't know whether it is good enough. BUT I shall get to that...
RIGHT!!!
RESIT! Of my graded Unit. Do you know how scared I am? So scared I have been crying for a few days. Well there is more pressure than just that. But that is my biggest one. I am scared (again.. what a scaredy cat I am!) because I don't want to stay here any longer =( I want to go to Aberdeen. It will be amazing! =D
Ok.. want some good news? This isn't college related... college news usually isn't good news. So take a wild guess what this news may be about! No.. I am not pregnant.. no I have not found somebody I can connect with on a greater level than my last (well this is a lie... I have =L But just friends for the moment).. and no.. I am not erm =/ I have not won the lottery. Gosh I wish I did =(
You know I am obsessed with BodyCombat? Well I am teaching to a few friends on the 20th of June. How Epic is that? Keep changing a few tracks round on the playlist I have. A few remain mostly because I LOVE them so they will never leave. But I want more fun ones in half way through because near the end they will hate me because my favourite one is a horrible one =P Want a sneak peak ;)?
The girl right next to the camera is shit! Hello.. bend your knee when you kick, then release.. ¬.¬
So yeah.. cool eh? Well here is what I thought I would do..
Track 1 - "Upper body warm up" Summer of 69/ "Lower body warm up" I Never Liked You.
Track 2 - Boys Like Girls - Love Drunk
Track 3 - Cascada - Because The Night
Track 4 - Johnny B.Goode
Track 5 - Ballroom Blitz
Track 6 - Scotty - The Black Pearl (basically Pirates of the Carribean song ^-^)
Track 7 - The videa above.
Track 8 - Cascada - What Hurts The Most
Track 9 (Abs) - Sean Kingston - 911
Track 10 (Cool Down) - Haven't decided yet... will see closer to the time :3
Righteo.. That is it.
Live for the moment! <3
x
Tuesday 17 May 2011
What is it..?
What is love?
I love my family.. I love my friends. But obviously these type of loves should be different than what you should have for your partner.
Quote: "Love is ecstasy and torment, freedom and slavery." - http://www.time.com/
On the other hand, I saw it as something completely different (or should I say.. I see it as). I see love as the one thing I cannot live without. Love isn't torment - instead it is pleasurable. I wasn't a slave, nor did I have the freedom to do what I wanted when I wanted because that would be called cheating. I worshipped the ground he walked on, I adored everything that annoyed me most about him.. But eventually those annoyance became unbearable.
It is horrible to change someone. You should never try it. You should always accept a person for who they are because that is who they always will be.
No one is perfect, no matter how hard you try.
But,.. gosh... *sighs* you have to go through life making sacrifices. YES I am an utter bitch and I am actually going to look after myself here for a change. But why the hell should I sarcrifice my happiness and continue lieing to someone that I DO LOVE!
Honesty Corner....
1. Woo.. I am going to University, probably to one that is two and a half hours away on the train. I will miss my family very much. Look at this... If I want to see my family during the weekends it will be hard to see a boyfriend. -Family comes first-
2. Again.. I am going to University. What If I meet a whole new group of friends that I spend most weekends partying with and I WILL always be restricted by how much fun I have incase I do fuck up like I did New Year. -Freedom of Choice-
3. On a lighter note... If I truly believe we are soul mates (Which I do.. a bit =/) Then the Universe will have a way of putting us together. People who are destined to be together do end up together. Heck it took my mum 36 Years to find her soul mate.
4. I love the idea of commitment I do. But I just don't think I am in the right frame of mind for it at the moment. I am still in the process of discovering who I am and what I want out of life (Well... I do know what I want out of life.) You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else. That is what I need to do...
.........................................................
I am Sorry for lieing to you Saturday and seeming everything was ok.
I am Sorry for doing this to you. But writing is the only way I can express my feelings. I am terrible with words.
I am Sorry that I do love you -I am in love with you- but unable to commit to anyone until I have finished with my education. Because us together would be a distraction and I want to succeed in life.
I love my family.. I love my friends. But obviously these type of loves should be different than what you should have for your partner.
Quote: "Love is ecstasy and torment, freedom and slavery." - http://www.time.com/
On the other hand, I saw it as something completely different (or should I say.. I see it as). I see love as the one thing I cannot live without. Love isn't torment - instead it is pleasurable. I wasn't a slave, nor did I have the freedom to do what I wanted when I wanted because that would be called cheating. I worshipped the ground he walked on, I adored everything that annoyed me most about him.. But eventually those annoyance became unbearable.
It is horrible to change someone. You should never try it. You should always accept a person for who they are because that is who they always will be.
No one is perfect, no matter how hard you try.
But,.. gosh... *sighs* you have to go through life making sacrifices. YES I am an utter bitch and I am actually going to look after myself here for a change. But why the hell should I sarcrifice my happiness and continue lieing to someone that I DO LOVE!
Honesty Corner....
1. Woo.. I am going to University, probably to one that is two and a half hours away on the train. I will miss my family very much. Look at this... If I want to see my family during the weekends it will be hard to see a boyfriend. -Family comes first-
2. Again.. I am going to University. What If I meet a whole new group of friends that I spend most weekends partying with and I WILL always be restricted by how much fun I have incase I do fuck up like I did New Year. -Freedom of Choice-
3. On a lighter note... If I truly believe we are soul mates (Which I do.. a bit =/) Then the Universe will have a way of putting us together. People who are destined to be together do end up together. Heck it took my mum 36 Years to find her soul mate.
4. I love the idea of commitment I do. But I just don't think I am in the right frame of mind for it at the moment. I am still in the process of discovering who I am and what I want out of life (Well... I do know what I want out of life.) You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else. That is what I need to do...
.........................................................
I am Sorry for lieing to you Saturday and seeming everything was ok.
I am Sorry for doing this to you. But writing is the only way I can express my feelings. I am terrible with words.
I am Sorry that I do love you -I am in love with you- but unable to commit to anyone until I have finished with my education. Because us together would be a distraction and I want to succeed in life.
Friday 6 May 2011
IT IS EXAM TIME EVERYONE!!! =D
I LOVE EXAMS!!! =] I was contemplating doing a blog about my attitudes towards religion, but I think I will save that for another time =)
I honestly do not understand why but exams do not stress me as much as everyday life does. I know there is no going back afterwards. BUT what really makes me happy is that there is. Week beginning the 13th of June we all have resits if we do not get the grade we want [cool right?].
I honestly do not understand why but exams do not stress me as much as everyday life does. I know there is no going back afterwards. BUT what really makes me happy is that there is. Week beginning the 13th of June we all have resits if we do not get the grade we want [cool right?].
But no ... in all seriousness I think of it in this way -
"What is done, is done"
I do not stress because I know I have worked hard over the year [some may dispute this. You do not see what goes on behind close doors!]. Yes, I do have an obsession with working out which may take time out from my studying. BUT surprisingly, teachers always say do not cram revision in two weeks before your exams, but I do that BECAUSE it works best for me.
Right.. I do not understand why they tell us this?
Do we not know from our own experiences what works best for us?
OR
Are we just lazy gits who fail to take into account the significance of these exams?
BOTH!!!! =L
This goes out for all you stressers out there...
CALM! Go to Yoga if you honestly have to.. OH! I know - how about you write some study notes then once you have attempted to memorise them; rip them up. That could relieve a few stresses.
OR!
Get a picture of someone you hate [I have a feeling many of these pictures will be of me] and rip that up - or burn it.. Fire is good. Just do not play with it.
At night - get a rubber duck for your bath [I would call mine Penelope]. Name it. Get bubbles. AND RELAX!
If you know yourself you will be fine. You have had all these years to realise what works best for you. Take a moment to think what it is.
For me, I will have to have notes, music, and go for a walk... I just hope that the vehicles brakes work =(
Anyway all my shitty joking aside...
GOOD LUCK!!
You do not need it, as I have faith in all thee who come to read me ^-^
Goodnight <3
Wednesday 20 April 2011
Life So Far....
"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment."-Buddha
I always thought if you begin to believe in yourself in a positive light, then good things will happen to you. BUT for me this is not the case...
RIGHT home truths time.. I am not working as hard as I could do in terms of college, and I have been putting my exercise classes before it. HOWEVER - I do not fail assessments and I worked bloomin' hard in High School to aid me into University. I guess I have myself to blame for not getting into Stirling University. Maybe if I worked hard in college - well as hard as I did in High School - I would have gotten the same conditional as I did last year.
RIGHT home truths time.. I am not working as hard as I could do in terms of college, and I have been putting my exercise classes before it. HOWEVER - I do not fail assessments and I worked bloomin' hard in High School to aid me into University. I guess I have myself to blame for not getting into Stirling University. Maybe if I worked hard in college - well as hard as I did in High School - I would have gotten the same conditional as I did last year.
Time for some googling (you know me.. I have to have a bit of research in this thing)
KARMA - "Theosophy . the cosmic principle according to which each person is rewarded or punished in one incarnation according to that person's deeds in the previous incarnation." - [ http://www.dictionary.com/]
KARMA - "Theosophy . the cosmic principle according to which each person is rewarded or punished in one incarnation according to that person's deeds in the previous incarnation." - [ http://www.dictionary.com/]
What I am trying to introduce here is the idea that everything I am given in life is already pre-made by the person I was before I was re-incarnated. HOLD UP! This blog is going in a completely different direction than what I was intending .. I should change the title =L *Actually going to keep it =)*
So... Buddha is quite a heavy influence in this idea. My past life must have been a reasonable one. But at times they did bad things which is making it difficult for me to progress in some stages in life.
Being rejected by Stirling really took a knock to my confidence and a change in the future I saw for myself. Like some people say, "everything happens for a reason". Odd though - even though I got a conditional last year.
Maybe something inspiring will happen for me at any University I go to. Oopsies.. this is not the correct Alannah talking =) I am a fighter and I refuse to take a rejection. Thankfully in this life I have been kind enough to meet amazing people who are willing to help me persuade Stirling I am right for them. This will be one of my most difficult battles, but with the help of my ex- 5th year English teacher; I shall win. Heck - I managed to get the most greatest person in my life through fighting =P playing hard to get is not cool Andrew.. But he was worth it =$
Anyway.. Erm.. Yeah nothing else has happened in my life yet. Well there has been a few things but nothing as epic as a rejection from Stirling. Holiday planning, mine and Andrew's parents meeting for the first time this Sunday for Easter, revision for Graded Unit, erm.. erm WORK! ALWAYS BLOODY WORKING! >.< But workout classes <3 Nothing changed in them. Apart from my addiction increasing =P
Right - lost motivation to continue.
Bye Everyone!
Live Long. Live Life!
Bye Everyone!
Live Long. Live Life!
Friday 1 April 2011
Beginning Of A New Month
HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY!
I never really understood April Fools Day - or may I say I still do not understand it. We prank someone for this special day, which we could have done all the way throughout the year... So if we did do this it would be, May Fools, February Fools, December Fools... *chuckles* imagine if you decided to do it on Christmas day... "Guess what kids Santa has been. DECEMBER FOOLS! There is no Santa ! :P" Love it, honestly do =P
ANYWAYYYYYYYYYYYYY
I just felt the need to blog, so what I really think I should do is maybe let people know about me? Maybe write about 20 facts or 50 (depends how entranced I get) on facts about me. Maybe let people get to know the real me? Not the one that hardly smiles =L Because I do smile, it's just I do not like my braces so I tend not to grim aimlessly like a twat. But I will by the end of the year when these metal death traps get removed.
FACTS:
1. I was born in Edinburgh, The Simpsons Hospital on the 6th of March 1992 at 9:17pm (I think it was a Thursday...).
2. My favourite colour is Lime Green, or Yellow, or Pastel Pink... THEY ARE B.E.A.UTIFULLLL =3
3. I never did P.E (Well never is exagerated, I did but hardly ever) at school because I got scared and felt nervous in front of everyone else. It actually all started once when I was in Tunbridge Wells High and this bitch called Charlotte, I think, said I had a saggy bum... I WAS 13!! >.<
4. The foods I love and cannot get enough of : Pasta, Noodles, Chilli, and WINE GUMS!
5. I have a tendancy to think and act irrationally, which normally gets me into a lot of doggy do do =(
6. I LOVE working. Not working out which I always talk about, but working. I love the fact I am working hard for my money compared to other people.
7. Up until a few months back I wanted to be a Museum Curator, until I found out you have to be highly intelligent and it is a much sought out career in society.
8. I have very little confidence within my own ability or as a person. I know if I work harder I can achieve anything I want to.
9. Yes I agree with plastic surgery. If it makes a person feel better then I believe they should get it. I would get : Boob job, lipo suction in stomach legs and EVERYWHERE!, tummy tuck, nose job, something done to my mouth.. and erm that is it?
10. I am the baby of the family. I have one brother, and one dead sister.
11. My ambition in life, to become a teacher of something and then eventually raising enough money to travel the world and aid third world countries.
12. The place I would not mind living inside Britain would be London. There would probably be a lot of teaching jobs there due to their high population, and good Body Combat teaching facilities.
13. I am 5ft 10 and I am apparently 1 pound over weight =P B.M.I does not take into account your muscle mass, and I do have a fair bit of muscle.
14. This is recent news to me - but I am actually naturally dirty blonde =P I only found this out after letting my hair cope without me dying it for a few months.
15. My favourite season is spring because my favourite animal is more noticeable
16. My favourite animal in the whole world is a SHEEP! I love them big fluffy clouds with legs :3
17. I do not intend to make people upset, or to hurt their feelings. If I do, I do not mean it. I always want to make people happy and for them to love themselves =(
18. I am obsessed with Beetles. Not the horrid animal but the car. Andrew noticed that I have a talent of sensing them out. Without me looking for them, they appear and I'm like, "Beeeetleeeeeeeeee"
19. I still act a bit childish at times. Mostly because I have always been treated as the baby of the family. ALSO to think more psychological about it, it may be due to the fact I am trying to close myself away from harm or emotional hurt =)
20. I dream... I dream a lot. Mostly of love because I am a hopeless romantic. Thankfully I have found my hopeless romantic soul mate =$
21. I know a lot of fitness and health facts, however, as you can possibly tell I am not the most skinniest or healthiest person in the world. I do workout for roughly 10 hours a week, but I still do not lose weight quickly enough.
22. I am a all giving person. Once you have my attention, and friendship, you will get my loyalty and my love forever =)
23. I talk to myself A LOT. Then strangers stare at me. I do not mean to, I just find it hard to stop talking because I need to talk to someone. I get paranoid if I am being quiet =P
24. I am slightly a geek, but not to the same extent as my boyfriend. I watch Sci - Fi movies and wouldn't mind playing geeky games if they were a multi players.
25. I have played COD a few times. Not bad but I do not see the big fascination of it.
26. FINALLY as I cannot be bothered with anymore. I am bisexual - but Andrew thinks I am straight now because I am with him ;-) Sorry bubs, but it does not work that way. I have had a crush on many girls, and had one girlfriend. My heart will always go to my ickle baby "Andrea" =P (Andrew).
Well I hope this was as interesting for you as it was for me (not very). Sorry if it wasted a lot of your time. The meaning behind it is for people who do not fully know me, to have the chance to know me. It means you can continue on with your lives. THIS IS NOT A DIG AT ANYONE! I just feel we should all have the chance to know each other. This is my way of doing so. If you want me to get to know you, tell me and I will. I do not want to pre judge anyone, it is not my thing. I always go on past experiences and that fogs my judgement sometimes. I do not believe people can change, that is why I was critical of one person before. I am sorry for this. I think if this person reads this they should know who they are... or at least the other 13 people will tell her about this blog.
It is a public apology. I am sorry Rebecca Clark. I should not have been so judgemental of you. I know you will not forgive me, but that is fine. You do not need to accept my apology, but I just feel it is best to apologise on the place where I first put my harsh criticisms of you. -Sorry again-
Tuesday 15 March 2011
My Hero
Definition of "Hero" - a man of distinguished courage or ability, admired for his brave deeds and noble qualities. (www.dictionary.com)
Well then Philip Mills does fit the definition of a hero to me.
As a founder and Chief Executive of Les Mills International, Phillip Mills is a pioneer and “thought leader” in the global fitness industry and “revolutionized” the modern group-exercise experience. He is also an author and a public advocate for the environment and sustainability in business.
Phillip Mills competed at the 1974 Commonwealth Games in the 110m hurdles, and four years later in both 110m and 400m hurdles. He attended the University of California at Los Angeles (UCLA) on a track and field scholarship, and graduated with a degree in philosophy in 1978.
Inspired by the birth of the aerobics industry he witnessed while studying at UCLA, Phillip Mills developed his own exercise-to-music system that grew to include the nine proprietary group fitness programs – BODYATTACK™, BODYBALANCE™/BODYFLOW®, BODYCOMBAT™, BODYJAM™, BODYPUMP™, BODYSTEP™, BODYVIVE™, RPM™ and SH’BAM™ – that are offered in more than 13,000 fitness clubs in 75 countries through Les Mills International. "copied from wikipedia"
So obviously he is pretty much an outstanding guy. But what I truly love about him is that he gave me fitness, an commitment to something other than chocolate. He made me a happier person by allowing me to put all my focus and energy into something other than pathetic people's opinions of me.
Now let me go into a tiny bit of detail on WHAT he saved me with, and what has become my pride and joy. (all information from http://www.lesmills.com/global/home/les-mills.aspx)
RPM™ (Spinning) is the indoor cycling workout where you ride to the rhythm of powerful music. Take on the terrain with your inspiring team coach who leads the pack through hills, flats, mountain peaks, time trials, and interval training. Discover your athlete within – sweat and burn to reach your endorphin high.
Alannah's opinion: This is torture on a bike! Good though because I like watching my sweat just drip off me. Not so good because I just want to move and jump about.
I KNOW! Majority of the people who read this will think I am a saddo who really need to get a life or something. But sorry... If getting a life means I have to give up going to my workout classes, then I'd rather not. Becoming a healthier and happier person is nothing to be ashamed of. I am all for embracing it. I just do not want to be any typical teenager who tends to destroy their liver on a regular occurance, and say they want to lose weight but do not actually do anything about it.
I am happy being around adults that actually know when to make a big deal out of something. They also are better people to talk to because they are nicer. I have met amazing people through going to Les Mills workout classes, and it is an experience which I would never have changed.
Hopefully someday I will be the one teaching the classes, rather than partaking in them. I will one day be somebodies "hero".
Well then Philip Mills does fit the definition of a hero to me.
As a founder and Chief Executive of Les Mills International, Phillip Mills is a pioneer and “thought leader” in the global fitness industry and “revolutionized” the modern group-exercise experience. He is also an author and a public advocate for the environment and sustainability in business.
Phillip Mills competed at the 1974 Commonwealth Games in the 110m hurdles, and four years later in both 110m and 400m hurdles. He attended the University of California at Los Angeles (UCLA) on a track and field scholarship, and graduated with a degree in philosophy in 1978.
Inspired by the birth of the aerobics industry he witnessed while studying at UCLA, Phillip Mills developed his own exercise-to-music system that grew to include the nine proprietary group fitness programs – BODYATTACK™, BODYBALANCE™/BODYFLOW®, BODYCOMBAT™, BODYJAM™, BODYPUMP™, BODYSTEP™, BODYVIVE™, RPM™ and SH’BAM™ – that are offered in more than 13,000 fitness clubs in 75 countries through Les Mills International. "copied from wikipedia"
So obviously he is pretty much an outstanding guy. But what I truly love about him is that he gave me fitness, an commitment to something other than chocolate. He made me a happier person by allowing me to put all my focus and energy into something other than pathetic people's opinions of me.
Now let me go into a tiny bit of detail on WHAT he saved me with, and what has become my pride and joy. (all information from http://www.lesmills.com/global/home/les-mills.aspx)
BODYPUMP™ is the original barbell class that strengthens your entire body. This 60-minute workout challenges all your major muscle groups by using the best weight-room exercises like squats, presses, lifts and curls. Great music, awesome instructors and your choice of weight inspire you to get the results you came for – and fast! Like all the LES MILLS™ programs, a new BODYPUMP™ class is released every three months with new music and choreography.
Alannah's Opinion: Hehehehehehe weights <3 I do love thee. Nobody told me to start of with the lightest weight for my first class, so what did I do? Start with the weights people who have been coming for about 2 months used. SORE! couldn't walk up the stairs for a week. Now addicted to the idea of nice muscle (not this scary muscle..), I love the class. Wouldn't mind teaching it.
BODYCOMBAT™ is the empowering cardio workout where you are totally unleashed. This fiercely energetic program is inspired by martial arts and draws from a wide array of disciplines such as karate, boxing, taekwondo, tai chi and muay thai. Supported by driving music and powerful role model instructors, you strike, punch, kick and kata your way through calories to superior cardio fitness.
Alannah's Opinion: Heaven.. flippin' heaven! I love, love, love, LOVE, this class. Honestly I do. Hard work, but worth it. I am the most happiest when I have just done combat.
BODYATTACK™ is the sports-inspired cardio workout for building strength and stamina. This high-energy interval training class combines athletic aerobic movements with strength and stabilization exercises. Dynamic instructors and powerful music motivate everyone towards their fitness goals - from the weekend athlete to the hard-core competitor!
Alannah's Opinion: OMG! When I first started this I swore never to go back again. It is hard... so bloomin' hard. But then I began wanting to go back because it was so hard. Due to that I have became more fit and able to burst with energy.
BODYJAM™ is the cardio workout where you are free to enjoy the sensation of dance. An addictive fusion of the latest dance styles and hottest new sounds puts the emphasis as much on having fun as on breaking a sweat. Funky instructors teach you to move with attitude through this 55-minute class. So grab a friend, get front and center, and get high on the feeling of dance.
Alannah's Opinion: I am not exactly the most elegant on my feet, but I do try, and I am getting better. It is just a bit of fun at the end of the day. If you can't laugh at yourself then what is the point?
RPM™ (Spinning) is the indoor cycling workout where you ride to the rhythm of powerful music. Take on the terrain with your inspiring team coach who leads the pack through hills, flats, mountain peaks, time trials, and interval training. Discover your athlete within – sweat and burn to reach your endorphin high.
Alannah's opinion: This is torture on a bike! Good though because I like watching my sweat just drip off me. Not so good because I just want to move and jump about.
I KNOW! Majority of the people who read this will think I am a saddo who really need to get a life or something. But sorry... If getting a life means I have to give up going to my workout classes, then I'd rather not. Becoming a healthier and happier person is nothing to be ashamed of. I am all for embracing it. I just do not want to be any typical teenager who tends to destroy their liver on a regular occurance, and say they want to lose weight but do not actually do anything about it.
I am happy being around adults that actually know when to make a big deal out of something. They also are better people to talk to because they are nicer. I have met amazing people through going to Les Mills workout classes, and it is an experience which I would never have changed.
Hopefully someday I will be the one teaching the classes, rather than partaking in them. I will one day be somebodies "hero".
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